[He went deep into his own psyche on that one. A little too deep to realize that his reaction might have hurt Jim. After all... he'd offered up the concept of marriage the same way he used to see his father serve up barbecued meat: quick-fired, a little bit bloody, and resting on a no-nonsense paper plate that might or might not make it through the half-hour. It wasn't as if there was anything heartfelt in the offer, and that allowed Bones to forget just how it was that Jim did things. Act first, think later, feel along the way.
It was like being sucker punched, for Bones.
So yeah. He did need that moment. And as it turned out, he needed that hand on his arm, to reel him back in, and to take measure of time where it had stopped in its tracks for him. He'd have to say something. At this point, anything.
Moving the glass around in his fingers for a half-turn, he'd set it down again, give the wall in front of them a bleak look. Jim was saying some damn thing, and he swears he might have listened, if he could get the rush between his ears to stop. Either way, he did eventually turn partial back to his "partner", expression still grim, drawn, just a little bit wild-- the way cornered animals get, when they have a wound they're not so sure they can limp away with in tact.]
--Sorry.
[That seems like it should come first. Because he'd taken too damn long, as if Jim had suggested a double-suicide to keep them together and started the sentence with "I'll shoot first."]
I just. Hell-- you don't want to marry me. [And maybe that was part of it. That look in his eye. That kind of erratic light, not so sure as he was a few moments ago. Marriage was a double-edged sword, to Bones. On one edge, the seemingly inevitable notion that things end, bad and messy. And on the other? The idea that they weren't supposed to. That it meant forever.
Jim Kirk and Forever? He could see it with some things. Jim Kirk being the hero, Forever. Jim Kirk caring about other people and making things right, Forever. Jim Kirk beating himself up, Forever. Jim Kirk and the stars-- Forever.
But Jim Kirk, husband of a divorced male doctor older than himself? Forever?
Bones let his mouth fall a little open and shook his head, a hand coming up to rub his chin.]
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It was like being sucker punched, for Bones.
So yeah. He did need that moment. And as it turned out, he needed that hand on his arm, to reel him back in, and to take measure of time where it had stopped in its tracks for him. He'd have to say something. At this point, anything.
Moving the glass around in his fingers for a half-turn, he'd set it down again, give the wall in front of them a bleak look. Jim was saying some damn thing, and he swears he might have listened, if he could get the rush between his ears to stop. Either way, he did eventually turn partial back to his "partner", expression still grim, drawn, just a little bit wild-- the way cornered animals get, when they have a wound they're not so sure they can limp away with in tact.]
--Sorry.
[That seems like it should come first. Because he'd taken too damn long, as if Jim had suggested a double-suicide to keep them together and started the sentence with "I'll shoot first."]
I just. Hell-- you don't want to marry me. [And maybe that was part of it. That look in his eye. That kind of erratic light, not so sure as he was a few moments ago. Marriage was a double-edged sword, to Bones. On one edge, the seemingly inevitable notion that things end, bad and messy. And on the other? The idea that they weren't supposed to. That it meant forever.
Jim Kirk and Forever? He could see it with some things. Jim Kirk being the hero, Forever. Jim Kirk caring about other people and making things right, Forever. Jim Kirk beating himself up, Forever. Jim Kirk and the stars-- Forever.
But Jim Kirk, husband of a divorced male doctor older than himself? Forever?
Bones let his mouth fall a little open and shook his head, a hand coming up to rub his chin.]
And for the record, it wasn't a helluva proposal.